Reinforcement
When a woman loves too much. Robin Norwood Women Who Love Too Much

When a woman loves too much. Robin Norwood Women Who Love Too Much

Last years, as never before, the theme of emotional dependence has developed. Beautiful girls, women fall in love so strongly that they end up in a place where they are not appreciated and respected. The fear of being alone makes them stay with manipulators who build incredible behavioral moves, with abusers who infringe on them and crush them with psychological violence. That is why we invite you to remember the most sparkling quotes and phrases from this book. The author very subtly and skillfully gives the right words in her creation, which help to understand a little better why loving too much often is not the best choice and explains why.

1. Finally, developing your own needs makes you a better partner for a man. You become an expressive, creative person. The absence of a partner no longer frightens you, and therefore, you become more attractive to men. Paradoxically, the less you need a partner, the better partner you yourself become for a man and the more healthy your relationship with him becomes.

2. Love cannot satisfy us if we do not love ourselves, because when we go in search of love with emptiness inside, we find only new emptiness. What we express in our lives is a reflection of what exists deep within us: our belief in our dignity, our right to happiness, and what we deserve in life. When these beliefs change, our lives change as well.

3. If you choose to embark on the healing process, you will gradually grow from a woman who loves someone so much that it hurts her into a woman who loves and respects herself enough to not suffer in vain.

4. If he cannot bear the truth about me or is unable to understand me, I see it as his problem, not mine. I no longer try to turn myself inside out to please a man. Now I have other priorities. My recovery must come first, otherwise I won't be able to offer anything to anyone else.

ROBIN NORWOOD

WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH

A book that will change your life.
(how our thirst for love becomes a chronic incurable disease)

If loving necessarily means suffering for us, then we love too much.

".... If "love" for us necessarily means "suffering" - we love too much. Quite often, women find that in their relationships with men they fatally follow the same dramatic scenario over and over again: unrequited feelings - affection - unrequited love is an unhealthy relationship.Then they put in a lot of effort trying to mend the relationship, or suffer severely, despairing of making their marriage happy.Most women believe that dramatic, often unrequited love that brings suffering, pain, and disappointment is the only possible kind of real, genuine love.Most of us have loved like this at least once in our lives, for many such unrequited love has become habitual, and some are so attached to their partner that they are hardly able to live independently - their interests and their lives.

In this book, we will take a close look at the reasons that drive so many women who are looking for love and a loving man, fatally inevitably find inconsiderate, selfish partners who do not reciprocate. We will learn why, even if our relationship with a loved one does not satisfy us, it is still so difficult for us to break it. We will understand how our desire to love, our thirst for love, our very love becomes a passion, an addiction, an addiction, a chronic incurable disease. "(R. Norwood)

FOREWORD

If love means suffering to us, then we love too much. When most of our conversations with close friends and girlfriends are devoted to him - his problems, his thoughts, his feelings - and almost all of our sentences begin with "He ..." - we love too much.

When we attribute his thoughtfulness, bad mood, indifference, or aggressiveness to problems associated with an unhappy childhood and try to become his doctor, we love too much.

When we read a self-help book and underline all the passages that we think can help him, we love too much.

When our relationships pose a threat to our emotional well-being and perhaps even our safety and health, we definitely love too much.

Despite all the suffering and dissatisfaction, "too much love" is common for many women, almost certain that this is how intimate relationships should be. Most of us have loved "too much" at least once. For many, it has become a recurring theme in their lives. Some have become so obsessed with the problems of their partner and relationship with him that they are hardly able to continue a normal life and activities.

In this book, we will carefully consider the reasons why many women who are looking for a loved one invariably find indifferent or even dangerous partners. We will explore why it is so difficult for us to break up with a partner, even when we know that he does not meet our needs. We will see that "love" turns into "love too much" in those cases when the partner is not suitable for us, when he is indifferent or unavailable, and> however, we cannot lose him - we want him "we even more need We will understand how our desire to love, our very desire for love, becomes a painful addiction.

I was first introduced to the phenomenon of "too much love" as a specific syndrome of certain ways of thinking, feeling and behaving after seven years of counseling with people who abuse alcohol and drugs. After spending hundreds of conversations with them and their families, I made a surprising discovery: sometimes the clients I talked to grew up in dysfunctional families, sometimes they grew up in prosperous ones, but their partners always grew up in very dysfunctional families, where they had to experience stress and suffering far beyond the norm. In an attempt to cope with their reckless spouses, these partners (known in the alcohol treatment practice as "co-alcoholics") unconsciously re-created and relived important aspects of their childhood.

It was the wives and girlfriends of addicted men who helped me understand the nature of "too much love." Their biographies revealed their need for superiority and simultaneously the suffering they experienced in their role as "saviors", and they also helped me to make sense of their addiction to men who in turn were addicted to alcohol or drugs. It became clear to me that in such couples both partners need help, that both of them are literally dying from their addictions: he - from the consequences chemical poisoning, it is from the consequences of extreme stress.

These women gave me the opportunity to understand what an unusually strong influence childhood experiences have on the scheme of attitude towards men in adulthood. They have something to tell everyone who has loved too much about how we develop a preference for difficult relationships, how we perpetuate our problems, but - most importantly - and how we can change and return to normal life.

I don't mean by this that only women can love too much. Some men practice possession in relationships with as much zeal as any woman; their feelings and behaviors originate in the same childhood experiences and family relationships. However, most men with difficult childhoods are not obsessed with women. As a result of the interaction of cultural and biological factors, they usually try to protect themselves and avoid suffering by pursuing external rather than internal goals, achieving something impersonal rather than personal. They are more likely to become obsessed with work, sports, or hobbies, while women tend to be obsessive in relationships - perhaps with equally traumatized and alienated men.

I hope this book will help anyone who loves too much, although it is written primarily for women, because loving too much is a predominantly female phenomenon. The purpose of the book is very specific: to help women whose relationships with men are destructive to their lives, to realize the fact of such an influence, to understand the reason for their behavior and to acquire the means to change their lives.

But if you're a woman who loves too much, then I think it's fair for me to warn you that this isn't going to be an easy read. If you fit this definition and yet remain indifferent and indifferent, or bored or angry, or unable to focus on the material, or can only think about how this book could help someone else, then I suggest you reread it. later. We all tend to deny too painful or threatening knowledge about ourselves. Denial is a natural means of self-defense. It happens automatically and involuntarily. Perhaps when you return to reading next time, you will be able to come face to face with your experiences and deep feelings.

Read slowly, consider the characters and their stories both intellectually and emotionally. The stories collected here as an example may seem to you as an expression of some extremes. I assure you otherwise. The personalities, characteristics, and biographies of women I have known personally and dealt with professionally are in no way misrepresented. In fact, their stories are even more complex and full of suffering. If their problems seem to you much more serious and painful than yours, let me tell you that your initial reaction is typical of most of my clients. Each considers her problem "not so difficult" and compassionately relates to the plight of other women who are supposedly "in real trouble."

This is one of the jokes of life: we women can respond with understanding and sympathy to the suffering of others, while remaining immune to our own suffering. I know this very well as a woman who has loved too much for most of her life - until the threat to my emotional and physical health was not so tangible that I had to carefully consider my approach to relationships with men. I have been working diligently over the past few years to change these relationships, and these years have been the most rewarding of my life.

It is my hope that for all those who love too much, this book will not only help to better understand the reality of their situation, but will also push them to change by redirecting their loving attention from obsessive obsession with a man to recovery and their own lives.

This is where the second warning comes in. This book, like many "self-help" books, contains a list of steps to take to change your life. If you decide that you really should take these steps, then, as with all therapeutic processes, years of work and strict adherence to the commitments made will be required of you. You can't take a shortcut to get out of a trap you've fallen into. Patterns of your behavior were formed at an early age and practiced for many years, and giving them up will be frightening and difficult, constantly challenging your abilities. The warning should not discourage you. If you do not eventually change your attitude towards men, then the rest of your life will one way or another be full of struggle, but in this case your struggle will not be aimed at development, but simply at survival. The choice is yours. If you choose to embark on the healing process, you will gradually evolve from a woman who loves someone so much that it hurts her into a woman who loves and respects herself enough to not suffer in vain.

1. YOU LOVE A MAN WHO DOESN'T LOVE YOU

Victim of love, I see a broken heart
You have something to tell.
Victim of love - It's such an easy role
And you know how to play it.
I think you know what I mean
You are walking on a tightrope
Between suffering and desire
And looking for love in the middle

"Victim of Love"

This was Jill's first visit to me, and she seemed to have doubts. Petite and slightly cheeky, with Orphan Annie's blond locks, she sat tensely on the edge of her chair, facing me. Everything about her seemed round: the oval of her face, her slightly plump figure, and especially her Blue eyes chained to framed diplomas and certificates hung on the wall of my office. She asked me a few questions about my college and my license to practice counseling, and then, with undisguised pride, remarked that she had studied at law school.

There was a short silence. She looked down at her folded hands.

I think it's time for me to tell you why I came to you, - she spoke quickly, using the momentum of her words to cheer herself up. - I did it - that is, I came to therapy - because I'm really unhappy. Because of the men, of course. I want to say: because of myself and because of men. I always do something that repels them. Everything starts out great. They look after me and all that, and then, when they get to know me better ... - her face tightened at the memory of the past suffering. - Then everything collapses.

Now she was looking at me. Her eyes shone with pent-up tears.

I want to know what I am doing wrong. When I know what I need to change, I will change it. I will do whatever it takes for me. I can work hard.

She hurried again.

It's not that I don't want to. I just don't know why this keeps happening to me. I'm afraid to show my feelings. Each time they bring me nothing but misery. I literally start to be afraid of men.

She shook her head, and her curled locks bounced.

I don't want this to happen because I'm very lonely," she explained hotly. - In law school I had a lot of responsibility, and then I worked to provide for myself. I've always been busy. Basically, all I did last year was work, go to school, work out, and sleep. But my life lacked a man.

Two months ago, when I was visiting friends in San Diego, I ran into Randy,” she continued quickly. - He's a lawyer. We met in the evening at a dance hall where I went with my friends. We immediately liked each other. There were so many common topics of conversation... though I guess most of the time it was just me talking. But he seemed to like it. It was so wonderful to be in the company of a man who is interested in things that are important to you!

Her eyebrows moved to the bridge of her nose.

I seemed to be really attracted to him. You know, he started asking if I was married (I've been divorced for two years already), if I live alone, and things like that.

I could imagine Jill's enthusiasm as she chatted merrily with Randy to loud music that first night, and the enthusiasm with which she greeted him a week later when he extended his business trip to Los Angeles an extra hundred miles in order to visit her. At dinner, she invited him to sleep in her apartment and get a good rest before a long trip. He accepted the invitation, and that night their romance began.

It was grand. He let me cook for him and was extremely pleased that he was being taken care of. The next morning before leaving, I washed his shirt. I love taking care of men. We were so good together...

She smiled sadly. But as the story went on, it became clear to me that she almost immediately became recklessly infatuated with Randy.

When he returned to his San Diego apartment, the phone was already ringing. Jill tenderly said that she was worried about him and glad that he returned home safe and sound. He seemed slightly embarrassed by her call, so she apologized for disturbing her and hung up. However, a sucking uneasiness began to build up in her, fueled by the thought that she was once again infatuated with a man much more than he was infatuated with her.

Once Randy asked me not to put pressure on him and said that otherwise he would simply disappear. I was terribly afraid. Everything depended on me. I had to love him and leave him alone at the same time. But I couldn't do it, so my fears kept growing. The more I panicked, the harder I pursued him.

Soon Jill started calling him almost every evening. They agreed that they would take turns calling each other, but Randy often didn't call until late, and Jill was starting to get restless. Sleep was out of the question, so she dialed his number. Their conversations were as vague as they were lengthy.

He said he forgot to call, and I asked: "How could you forget?" After all, I never forgot. Then we started discussing why this is happening. It seemed to me that he was afraid of intimacy with me, and I wanted to help him overcome this. He constantly said that he did not know what he wanted from life, and I tried to help him understand himself.

Thus, Jill accepted the role of Randy's "physician" in an attempt to help him open up emotionally to her. She couldn't accept the fact that he didn't want her company. She had already decided that he needed her.

Twice Jill flew to San Diego and spent the weekend with Randy; on his second visit, he ignored her all Sunday, watching TV and sipping beer. It was one of the worst days for her.

Did he drink a lot? I asked. Jill was alarmed.

No... not really. Actually, I don't know. I never really thought about it. Of course he was drinking the night we met, but that's perfectly normal. We ended up sitting at the bar. Sometimes when we were talking on the phone, I would hear the ice in the glass clinking and tease him, you know, about drinking alone and so on. He probably drank every time we were together, but he just likes to drink a little. It's okay, isn't it?

She hesitated, thinking.

You know, sometimes he spoke strangely on the phone, especially for a lawyer. Inaccurate and vague, inconsistent, forgot about different things. But I never connected it with what he drinks. I don't know how I explained it to myself. I guess I just didn't allow myself to think about things like that.

She looked at me sadly.

Maybe he really drank too much, but only because I bothered him. I guess I didn't seem interesting enough to him, and that's why he didn't want to be with me... My husband never wanted to be with me - that's for sure, - she continued anxiously. Her eyes filled with tears. - And my father too... What's wrong with me? Why did they all treat me the same way? What did I do wrong?

At the moment when Jill realized that there was a problem in the relationship between herself and the person important to her, she sought only to solve this problem, but also to take responsibility for its occurrence. If Randy, her husband, and her father failed to love, she explained it by something she did and vice versa, didn't.

Jill's feelings, behavior, and life experiences are typical of a woman who associates love with suffering. Jill showed many signs common to all women who love too much. Regardless of the specific details of these women's struggle stories - whether they were in long and difficult relationships with one man or had a series of unhappy romances with many men - their stories have a lot in common. Loving too much does not mean loving too many men, or falling in love too often, or feeling too deep and sincere love for a man. What it really means is being recklessly infatuated with a man and calling the obsession love, letting it control your emotions and behavior, realizing it negatively affects your health and well-being, but not finding the strength to end it. It means measuring the extent of your love by the depth of your suffering.

As you read this book, you can compare yourself to Jill or other women whose stories you learn and ask yourself: Are you also a woman who loves too much? Perhaps, although your problems with men are similar to theirs, you will find it difficult to associate yourself with the "labels" that mark the past of some of these women. We all show strong emotional reactions to words like "alcoholism", "incest", "violence" or "addiction". Sometimes we can't take a realistic look at our own lives because we're afraid these labels will stick to us or to those we love. Sadly, our inability to use concepts that apply to us often prevents us from getting proper help. On the other hand, these terrible labels may not be relevant to your life. In your family, problems of a more subtle and inconspicuous nature may have arisen. Perhaps your father, while providing for the financial well-being of the family, secretly deeply disliked women and did not trust them; his inability to love kept you from loving. Or your mother behaved with you jealously and arrogantly, although she praised your talents in public; as a result, you began to need to achieve success for the sake of her approval and at the same time feared the hostility that your success might arouse in her.

We cannot deal with the myriad problems that arise in dysfunctional families in this book - this would require several volumes of a completely different content. However, it is important to understand that common feature A lot of dysfunctional families is the inability of their members to discuss the root of the problem. Other issues can often be discussed ad nauseam, but they only cover up those secrets that upset the normal functioning of the family. It is the degree of secrecy - the inability to talk about problems, and not about their consequences - that determines the degree of family trouble and the severity of mental trauma received in such a family.

Members of a dysfunctional family play rigidly defined roles; all communication is reduced to statements consistent with these roles. Members of such a family are not free to fully express their experiences, desires, feelings and needs. They limit themselves in this so that their words and actions satisfy those who play other roles. The system of roles operates in all families, but as circumstances change, family members must change and adapt to the new environment in order for the family atmosphere to remain healthy.

For example, a manifestation of maternal feelings, appropriate in relation to a one-year-old child, is completely inappropriate in relation to a thirteen-year-old teenager, so the role of the mother must adapt to the new reality. In dysfunctional families, the main aspects of reality are denied and the roles remain rigidly fixed. When no one can discuss issues that affect each member of the family and the family as a whole, when such discussion is forbidden implicitly (the subject of conversation changes) or explicitly ("You shouldn't talk about such things!"), we learn not to trust our feelings.

As our family denies reality, we begin to deny it too. This greatly slows down the development of our basic means of communication for contacting other people and mastering life situations. This is especially noticeable in the behavior of women who love too much. They are not able to distinguish between what is good for them and what is bad. People and situations that others would find dangerous, uncomfortable, or disruptive do not cause anxiety because they have no way of realistically assessing them. They don't trust their feelings and don't let them guide us. Instead, they are irresistibly drawn to the very dramas, intrigues, and challenges of life that other people with healthier, more prosperous backgrounds naturally try to avoid. Because of this attraction, they are even more deeply traumatized, as they are usually drawn to repeat situations experienced in childhood. They endure all this pain again.

No one can accidentally become a woman who loves too much. There are predictable patterns that have made them what they are. The following characteristics are typical of women who love too much - for women like Jill, and maybe for you.

As a rule, you grew up in a dysfunctional family where your emotional needs were not met.
Having received little real warmth and affection in childhood, you try to satisfy your need indirectly, becoming overly tender and caring - especially in relation to men who seem to need it.
Since you were never able to change your parents and get warmth and affection from them, you react sharply to the type of emotionally unavailable man you know. You are again trying to change him with your love.
Fearing his departure, you are ready for anything to keep the relationship from falling apart.
Nothing is too unpleasant, too costly, or too time consuming for you if it "helps" your man.
Getting used to the lack of love in personal relationships, you are ready to wait and hope and try harder and harder to please your man.
You are ready to take on a greater share of responsibility and guilt for what happened in your relationship.
Your self-esteem is at a critically low level. Inwardly, you don't believe that you deserve happiness; rather, you think you should earn the right to enjoy life.
Being insecure since childhood, you feel a desperate need to control your man and your relationship with him. You mask your efforts to control people and situations with a desire to "be useful."
In relationships with men, you are much more connected to your dream of how things could have turned out than to the actual situation.
You are addicted to men and emotional suffering.
You may be emotionally and sometimes biochemically predisposed to addiction to drugs, alcohol, and/or certain foods, especially sweets.
By getting close to people whose problems need to be solved, or by getting into chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally tormenting situations, you avoid thinking about responsibility for your personal life.
You may be prone to periods of depression, which you try to prevent with the nervous excitement that comes from unstable relationships.
You are not attracted to kind, reliable, stable men who are interested in you. You find such "nice guys" boring.

A series of messages "R. NORWOOD":
Reading the book ROBIN NORWOOD - "WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH"
Part 1 - ROBIN NORWOOD - WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH (1)

Robin Norwood (July 27, 1945) is a world-renowned specialist in addiction therapy.

Worked in the field of drug addiction for fifteen years. When Robin unexpectedly faced a severe identity crisis, she left the practice of psychotherapy and studied esoteric traditions and doctrines, alternative medicine and healing practices for ten years.

Author of Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change and Why Me? Why This? Why Now?: A Guide to Answering Life’s Toughest Questions.”

In her books, she offers readers a revolutionary look at the meaning of adversity and suffering through which fate takes us. Robin Norwood's books have been translated into over 30 languages and continue to be sold worldwide.

Lives on a ranch in the central coast of California.

Books (1)

Reader Comments

Asya/ 01/26/2016 The book is wonderful.

Inessa/ 17.10.2015 This book changed me from the first day. I read a lot of literature on these topics, mostly when I was desperate from endless love failures. In those books, I was looking for an answer or a clue to improve / return / start over as soon as possible. With all my external activity and desire to first provoke and then save and make happy, my true essence was deeply buried. That is, questions about what I love, what I myself like, how pleasantly they introduced me into a big stupor. Therefore, I turned all the information presented so that I would again play the same role: as if I were only when I can evoke emotions in others. I now understand that because of my internal freezing, my hyperactivity for others, I have been moving away from recognizing this illness of mine all my life. I still read this book every day. It's funny when you start to see the games that people play and their desire to hang your old role on you so that they themselves do not have to change and take responsibility.
So, dear psychological masochists, read and highlight with a marker.

Julia/ 8.08.2015 Thank you for the book. long on the road to recovery. This book is another step towards recovery. you can't change another person. we are responsible only for ourselves, for our mood, condition, and so on. we cannot solve the problems of another person, especially if he does not ask for it himself. it's all from the fact that a woman does not feel worthy just to be loved, just to be. feels important only by saving someone. these are all signs of "Victim". Give us more strength, courage in this difficult task of finding and accepting ourselves!!!

Olga/ 4.08.2015 Many thanks to the author! I am 53 years old, married 3 times, the third marriage was and is still very strong (my love for my husband). And all my life I have been looking for an answer - why do I attract male alcoholics, what is wrong with me? A low bow and gratitude that I finally read this book (4 years hung in bookmarks), the time has come and now I am recovering, like many women! The book, as if written about me, thank you for showing me the way to recovery.

Olga/ 06/22/2015 The book is very strong and valuable. There I saw myself, my position. The author is absolutely right: what was laid down in childhood affects the future life, character, relationships. I also classified myself as a woman who loves very much and understood that this is not a virtue, but a harm to oneself if people who are unintentional live nearby. Thanks to the author and God that my eyes were opened. I am also recovering, understanding how to live now

Galina/ 04/8/2015 dear girls! if you haven't found a way out for yourself thanks to these books!? then either your situation is not as bad as it really is, or you are not completely honest with yourself, or you haven't read the book very carefully. but so or otherwise, this is your decision and your path. on my own behalf, I want to say that thanks to the book "women who love too much" I revised everything! on some chapters I really sobbed, how it was a shame for myself and in front of me! now I overcame myself and my stupid arguments that he is the BEST (and doesn’t deserve more), that he can’t do without me and only I can make him better. Now, I remember all this as a bad dream! I’m happy like never before! girls, dear, fight it! to the last! the main thing is to want! I wish you good luck!

self made woman/ 3.10.2014 The book saved me. I am getting better. Thanks to the author

VALERIA/ 09/19/2014 For me, reading this book was a turning point in my life. I also didn’t understand for a long time what was happening to me, why the relationship didn’t work out ... It seems that I try my best ... to be good, to be loving. Only now I realized that I considered love what is addiction, illness, psychological personality disorder. Now I'm recovering! Although it is very difficult... But I want to go forward! The old patterns of behavior are too expensive and I don't want to go back to them!

Tatyana./ 07/1/2014 Many women who wrote a review here simply did not read the book or read it fluently. You know, those who have not experienced this disease themselves will not understand. Thank you so much Robin Norwood. Just set me on the path of healing and soul-searching. A wonderful book.

Elena/ 03/26/2014 I read the reviews, got excited from the Guest. City apartment, TV, books, magazines, superficial social contacts - is this the world? How does not having a TV relate to not caring about other people? Some kind of sensible semi-phrase about the family and loved ones, as well as another one about the golden mean, is said, however, with a terrible amount of “no” and “necessary” (as if someone other than the person himself can decide here). And about fictional stories ("Norwood herself said") - so that the heroines, recognizing themselves, do not fill their faces. To give the heroes of their stories a chance to dig into the violation of confidentiality - you won’t pay off any fees for the violation later.

Maria/ 11/20/2013 Norwood is sitting in a country house, turned off the TV? So what? did it lessen the usefulness of what is written in her book? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say. I found my benefit in her book.

Nastasya/ 11/18/2013 A book from the category of those that should be banned. First, look at how many marriages the author has, then is she happy in love? What does she teach? How to change a bad man. Forgive me, of course, but if a man is unlucky, then he will remain so. It's not for you to change it. It is much easier to meet someone who will love and appreciate you, and not someone who will humiliate you, but you will stubbornly look for the reasons for his behavior in yourself. Change yourself to be better.

Venus/ 27.10.2013 I sincerely hope that the author Robin Norwood will find his happiness in his fourth marriage) The book opened the door to a new life for me. Thanks to the author - I advise everyone, even men!

Elena/ 13.03.2013 The book really turns life around! How much I searched and thought what was wrong with me, with me, in my life ... The book helped! I'm on the way to recovery... Low bow to the author!

the guest/ 12/23/2012 I don't see any problem with the fact that the stories are fictitious or what happened in the personal history of the author. Each book is like a transmission from above and the author's vision of how it should be in the best possible light. This is for the author himself, as well as the height to which he aspires and may not reach. Perhaps the teachers transmitted this knowledge through her, but she herself did not fully master it. although having heard that she lives alone - I am of the opinion that she has comprehended even more than in the book.

Robin Norwood (born 1945) is a family therapist and best-selling author of women's issues that has been translated into several languages. In this work, I used the main method of finding the latent causes of the conflict that leads to suffering, to eliminate which you need to be able to go beyond the wrong attitude to life and reconsider values. The book "Women Who Love Too Much" has sold millions of copies worldwide. The author is married for the fourth time and now lives with his family in California.

Complexity of presentation

The target audience

Women, single and married, who want to stop feeling sorry for themselves and look for external reasons for their failures.

The book helps women discover the truth and open their eyes to current events in order to consider perspectives. We rarely know how to use the opportunities that life gives us every time. How not to be a hostage of love, to feel beautiful and whole, not to allow dependent relationships to develop in a couple, how to finally stop being controlled and helpless - the writer will tell about all this.

Reading together

Norwood talks about various cases from his therapeutic practice in the book. Women love too much if everything in their life begins with the word "he", that is, a man. When they try to help him, explain to themselves his bad mood and detachment, when they see unsympathetic character traits in him, but put up with them when emotional well-being is threatened due to love relationships - all this indicates too much love. For many, this becomes the leitmotif of life, and obsession with partner problems begins to affect their lives in a way that is not in the best way.

Why does love become an addiction? In relation to a man, many women experienced a state similar to drug addiction. Before we get rid of this problem, we must acknowledge that it exists. Any obsession originates not from love, but from fear. In love, this fear is expressed in the rejection of being alone, being unloved, rejected. Loving too much is more of a woman's prerogative than a man's. And the most important thing is to find the means that will help change women's destinies. The book contains stories of women, complex, full of suffering and mistakes. The path to their correction is long, it is impossible to cut it, getting out of those traps into which women on a whim fell.

There are certain characteristics of women who love too much:

Their childhood was spent in a dysfunctional family.

Excessive tenderness and care for a man is a consequence of the lack of affection in the parental family.

A woman tries to change a man with her love.

She makes any compromises, just to keep him.

Blame for problems in a woman's relationship more takes on himself.

Women's self-esteem is critically low, and there is no inner feeling that she deserves happiness.

From self-doubt, a woman desperately seeks to control a man, allegedly trying to be useful to him.

Emotional suffering becomes the basis of an unhealthy addiction to a man.

A woman ceases to be responsible for her personal life when she approaches people whose problems need to be solved.

Women like "bad guys", and reliable, kind and stable, showing a sincere interest in them, seem incredibly insipid.

Best Quotes

“We women can respond with understanding and sympathy to the suffering of others while remaining immune to our own suffering.”

What does the book teach

Recovery from the syndrome of too much love goes through several phases. First comes the realization of actions and the desire to stop is born. Then the readiness to receive help turns on and some steps are taken for this. Then the woman begins to change the algorithm of her thoughts, feelings and actions, a recovery program is launched. In the next phase, there is a choice in favor of improving life, self-love appears through the rejection of hatred and the emergence of tolerance for oneself, self-acceptance. And after all, sincere love for yourself is born, when the old schemes for manipulating other people no longer work. The circle of friends and partners may even completely change.

The more we allow freedom of behavior and choice for ourselves, the easier it is for us to allow the same in relation to others.

To confront fear means to unite with like-minded people.

You should not think about specific results, just affirm yourself, a prosperous present and future.