How to love mothers. How to love a child consultation on the topic

The feelings experienced by a mother for her own offspring are unconditional love that can overcome distance and separation, pain and despair. During the course of pregnancy, an invisible connection is formed between the developing fetus and the future parent, due to the unity of two hearts in one body. Often, babies do not notice the care and affection of their father, concentrating exclusively on the image of their mother. She can be strict and domineering, adhere to cruel methods of education, but support the young researcher in any endeavors, helping him to learn the harsh realities of the world.

However, as time goes by, some children ask themselves a burning question: Should we love our mother? Such thoughts can arise in the head of an inquisitive child who will quickly find an answer to a dilemma, and in the mind of a child angry at his parents who harbors a strong resentment towards his own mother. The offspring, hesitant to admit to himself that he has no feelings for his mother, turns to mathematics family relations, putting on the scales the positive and negative actions of a person.

The attitude of the child to the mother directly depends on the method of education, which the parent adheres to. Establishing mutual understanding or overthrowing authorities are processes that take place during the formation of a baby’s personality

Common mental portraits of mothers

To find the answer to a pressing question, before passing a fateful sentence, children are advised to familiarize themselves with the mental portraits of their mothers:

• "Sleeping Beauty".

Signs: a tendency to and depression; lethargy; isolation; narcissism.

Behavior: such a mother does not take into account the needs of the child in relations with parents; education is done as it should be; she is partially or completely removed from the process of growing up the baby.

• "Queen".

Signs: restraint in expressing feelings for the baby; a rare manifestation of kindness and affection; obsessive need in relationships with children to educate and teach.

Behavior: the child must earn the love of the mother; noise, pranks and tricks of the offspring are immediately suppressed by moralizing.

• "The Snow Queen".

Behavior: detached from personal development child; indifference to the successes and failures of the young researcher; performance of exclusively basic functions of the mother.

• "The mother hen".

Signs: an endless sense of anxiety for the baby; participation in all spheres of life of the offspring.

Behavior: seeks to replace the child's peers and friends; in an attempt to prevent trouble, controls every step of the young dreamer; wants to protect the baby from his own mistakes.

• "Child".

Signs: touchiness and capriciousness; personal interests outweigh the needs of the child.

Behavior: a woman too early was honored to become a mother, having not previously matured; perceives children as a burden, exposing for others his own position on the part of the “victim” of the current situation.

• "Fortress mistress".

Signs: rudeness and assault; propensity for violence; preaching a dictatorial regime.

Behavior: children must unquestioningly follow the commands of the mother; the opinion of the child does not have any “weight” in such a format of education; disobedience on the part of the baby is accompanied by irritation and physical punishment.

• "Hectic".

Signs: the words and actions of the mother invariably diverge; self-doubt; inconsistency in actions.

Behavior: the parent tries various methods in the educational process solely because of his own insolvency; a small prank on the part of the child becomes a real tragedy for the mother.

Children who ask this question are initially not sure of the appropriateness of own feelings in relation to the mother. In such situations, on a subconscious level, the child often harbors resentment towards the parent.

Some children attribute excessive attention and passive aggression from their mothers to an overabundance of care that they want to provide their own babies. In such situations, the “investigation” must be stopped, because the goal has been achieved. If the resentment lurking in the bowels of the baby's soul is stronger rational explanation, then it is necessary to proceed to the next stage of the study of their own feelings.

Why do we love our mothers?

In an attempt to justify the maternal aggression and regular physical punishment to which the young fidget was subjected, it is necessary to compile a voluminous list containing the reasons for a positive attitude towards the mother. The main parameters of "love" psychologists traditionally include the following aspects of gratitude:

• Gave life, steadfastly withstood a number of difficult and painful trials (pregnancy, childbirth).
• She fed with milk, not letting the baby out of her hands.
• Learned to take the first steps.
• She introduced me to the unknown world, explaining the purpose of things.
• She lulled me to sleep with melodic lullabies, without leaving the crib for hours.
• Taught the basic concepts of "good" and "evil".
• Instilled a craving for knowledge and self-improvement.
• She brought up the willpower in the child, which allows her to bring the work begun to its logical end.
• Helped me gain confidence in my own abilities.
• Advised in controversial situations, sharing invaluable life experience.
  
• She visualized the indestructible institution of the family, instilling love for relatives and respect for age.
• Developed in the child mercy, compassion and sympathy for weaker people.
• Taught without holding inside resentment and bitterness that destroy personal qualities person.
• She directed the unbridled energy of the fidget in the right direction, helping to avoid unnecessary mistakes.
• Steadfastly accepted the tricks and pranks of the young researcher, who daily presented her mother with a new “surprise”.
• She supported in difficult situations, helping to find strength inside to overcome the obstacle that appeared.
• She took care of the baby during her illness, heroically coping with the whims and nurses of her offspring.
• She cooked delicious and healthy food for the child.
• She washed dirty things, ironed clean ones, helped to get ready for kindergarten and school.
• Forgiving deceit, directing the child in the right direction.
• She felt the weaknesses and spiritual experiences of her offspring, encouraging with a kind word and giving motherly love.
• Inspired to achieve cherished goals that seemed only "dreams".
• Performed with baby homework explaining a difficult topic from the curriculum.
• Gave a child free time forgetting about personal interests, hobbies and hobbies.
• She was worried about the young researcher, who was faced with the next tricks of fate.
• She brought up in her offspring a love for style, taste and aesthetics.
• She gave the baby a positive role model, which from childhood was deposited on the subconscious.
• She rationally used the method of "carrot" and "stick" in her upbringing, indulging in a timely manner for children's victories and prudently punishing for pranks.
• She taught patience, developing perseverance in the baby.
• She introduced me to church foundations and the Bible, telling the story of the creation of the world.
• Accustomed to cleanliness and order, bringing up organization in the baby.
• Pleased with unexpected gifts and surprises, fulfilling the cherished desires of a young dreamer.
• Shared with offspring own experience, warning against making mistakes and rash acts.
• She protected the baby from cocky bullies who tried to belittle or insult the child.
• She passed on her own culinary skills, making sure that the baby was always full.
• She became an authority for the child, whose opinion is respected and appreciated.
• She taught me to enjoy a new day and be happy despite the rules of the world around me.
  
• Helped and, returning interest in life.
• She taught me to appreciate and enjoy the views of landscape sights of the region.
• Raised in the child a love for the animal world.
• Demonstrated an ideal model of family relations on the example of her own marriage union.
• She nursed her grandchildren without questioning the authority of her blood mother.
• She shared her experience with her son's chosen one or her daughter's lover.
• Listened to the opinion of the child in controversial situations.
• She kept her "word", fulfilling her promises.
• She helped to settle in life, paying for her studies on a commercial basis and contributing to finding a job.
• She accepted the weaknesses of the baby, who could remain himself within the walls of the parental home.
• Shared the joys of the child, not leaving in difficult situations.
• She became a faithful friend to the offspring, on whom you can rely.
• She accomplished a real maternal feat by raising a restless baby.

Mother gave life, put her on her feet, shared her experience and helped to achieve social well-being. Children who have such parameters in their lives should be grateful to the parental home. However, in some cases, the child may confine himself to a sincere "thank you", keeping silent about the words of love.

Why do relationships between children and their mothers deteriorate?

Children's grievances are a powerful catalyst by which a child develops a worldview. It is almost impossible to change an established personality, but it is absolutely necessary to correct a certain mistake made by the mother in the process of upbringing. Grown up offspring reduce relations with their parents to “zero” if in their youth they encountered:

• Overprotective mother who tries to reign supreme in the life of the child. Realizing the magnitude of the current situation, children tend to move away from their parental home as soon as possible, minimizing communication with their father and mother.
• Condemnation of the actions and worldview of his own offspring, who cannot count on the support of the closest person.
• Selfish parenting method chosen by parents. The child must conquer unexplored heights in sports, learn the basics of science, or diligently study music. Adults are trying to realize in the image of the offspring dreams that they could not realize on their own.
• Unfair decisions, unjustified rudeness and harsh methods of punishment are common reasons why children do not want to see their own parents. A mother may misjudge a child's behavior by using physical force for educational purposes. The child's subconscious mind will remember such an action, forever holding a grudge.
• The lack of common interests and hobbies is a prerequisite for a decrease in the number of meetings between adult children and their parents. If in youth one does not spend enough time with the baby, doing common affairs, then such a development of events cannot be avoided.
• The result of improper upbringing, as a result of which the parents did not pass on to the child family values. A grown-up baby transfers the model of relationships to communication with his mother and father. Lack of respect, authority, care and responsiveness is a sad result of the educational process.

The above examples are pretty easy to fix. The main thing is to enlist patience and a desire to restore relations with an offended child. The mother evokes warm emotions in the mind of the baby, so the repentant parent can only awaken them in the depths of the consciousness of his offspring.

In establishing mutual understanding and relationships with a mother, grown children, it is recommended to seek the help of a psychologist who can build a constructive dialogue between the two parties.

Special occasions: lack of love in a child's heart

In search of an answer to a rhetorical question for most people, one should not forget about special cases of education. Children do not love mothers who fall into one of the following categories:

Love for a mother is an abstract phenomenon that cannot be clearly defined. The child's subconscious either idolizes the person who gave him life, or rejects parental attention, guided by personal reasons.

HOW TO LOVE A CHILD

Children should be for us, first of all, not potential athletes, musicians or intellectuals - they should be just children.

If we love them, regardless of whether they behave badly or well, then children will sooner get rid of habits that irritate us.

If we love them only when we are satisfied with them, then this will cause uncertainty in them, will become a brake on their development.

If our love is unconditional, unconditional, our children will be spared from intrapersonal conflict, they will learn self-criticism.

If we do not learn to rejoice in children's successes, children will become convinced that it is useless to try: demanding parents always need more than the child can.

To establish a relationship with children, to find with them mutual language Look children in the eyes more often! Let your gaze be open and loving.

Physical contact is important for a child. It is not necessary to kiss or hug a child - just touch his hand, pat on the shoulder, ruffle his hair - your touch makes him confident. Such contact is especially important when the child is sick, tired, when he is sad.

What matters is not the amount of time spent with the child, but the quality of the experience. You need to be able to understand what the child wants, to listen to his words.

MOTHER'S COMMANDMENTS

Love your child, but do not indulge, do not ruin.

You can spoil a child even in poverty. With affectionate severity, you can grow up a real person and in wealth.

Cultivate gratitude: if there is no reciprocal love for your selflessness, consider that children only consume your love. Let it be good not only for children, but also for you.

You will not be happy without the happiness of your children, but let them also be touched by your troubles.

Be a friend to the children, but not a friend. Be close to them, but higher. Be kind, but not kind.

Teach children to think not about things, but about deeds: let a three-year-old daughter help her mother, let a three-year-old son protect her. No one can sit idle while the mother is at work.

Mother, remember: the best is for children, but do not forget about yourself. Everything comes from you, everything obeys you.

"GENTLE" EDUCATION

Eye contact. This is the loving look of parents, the willingness to respond to crying, laughter, any movement. A look can calm, support, cheer, and it can also punish. The child needs such contact from birth.

Physical contact.These are both “veal tenderness” and “bear pranks”. It all depends on the age individual characteristics child, his temperament. The baby needs stroking and gentle hugs; the preschooler loves both kisses, hugs, and noisy games, shaking, pinching. How older child, the further he moves away from his parents, but he still needs physical contact in the form of kisses, friendly pats, hugs.

Close attention.It allows the baby to feel that he is the most important person in the world. Parents should devote at least 30 minutes a day to their child and only to him, forgetting about their "adult" affairs. It can be a game, a conversation, reading a book, any general activity. Nothing should distract an adult (TV, telephone, household chores).

Only by satisfying the child's need for emotional contact, parents will be able to achieve discipline and independence.

Do you remember the last time you petted your baby? This morning or yesterday? Try to count how many times a day you used "affectionate" parenting. If it turned out little or one of the components is missing, then you should think about and try to change your attitude towards the child, making them more trusting, gentle, friendly. You can just hug, kiss the child, you can say how much you love him, how smart, good, highlight its merits. There is never enough love and affection!

TIPS FOR EDUCATION OF GRANDCHILDREN

1. Do not turn your love and devotion to children into helpfulness and slavish obedience.
2. Do not take on children's worries that they themselves need for self-education.
3. Don't pamper your grandchildren with a mindless array of gifts and treats.
4. Don't be petty towards them.
5. Tell your children more often about yourself, about your childhood, about work.
6. Open your soul to children, trust your doubts, sorrows, experiences.
7. Keep secrets with your grandchildren, tell and read fairy tales to them, walk with them.
8. Show children examples of courage, responsiveness, diligence.
9. Let us have the opportunity to work side by side with you.

1. Do not remind your grandchildren that they are still small. Try to involve them in activities in which they feel like adults.
2. Please be emphatically polite, consistent in dealing with your grandchildren.

FOR THE CHILD TO OBEY

If you want to ensure that the child obeys you, you need to ensure that your order meets the following requirements:

• it should not be given with anger, with a cry, with irritation, but it should not look like begging;
• it should be feasible for the child, not require too difficult tension from him;
• it must be reasonable, must not be contrary to common sense;
• if the order is given, then it must be carried out without fail;
• where you have to demand, no theories should be developed, but demanded and achieved to fulfill these requirements.

SECRETS OF EDUCATION OF A POLITE CHILD

Your child will be polite and educated if you, dear parents:

Delicate in relation to everyone around, especially in relation to him and his friends;

never offend human dignity
his son or daughter, don't yell at your child, don't say
those with him or him rude words and, in no case, will not accept
take physical punishment as an educational measure;

• do not make endless remarks on trifles, but, where possible, encourage the independence of your child;
• make uniform demands on children and, if one of you does not agree with the comments of the other, then speak out in their absence;
• require the child to follow the rules that you yourself follow;
• respect the dignity little man, excluding the words: “You are still small”, “You are still early”;
• Don't forget to tell your child "please" Good night”,“ thanks for the help ”, and also often use praise;

Instill the rules of cultural behavior in children systematically, and not on a case-by-case basis.

Especially at a time when a mother crosses the line of 80 and 90 years and becomes extremely needy and forgetful, it is more important than ever to keep your words and accept this woman.

The way you treat your elderly mom will serve as an example to your own children on how to treat you when you enter your home stretch. This path can bring physical pain and feelings of loneliness. If you are constantly irritable with your elderly mother, then your children may do the same when you get old. They may even decide to send you to a nursing home away from your grandchildren.

I interviewed dozens of women aged 47 to 72- poor and rich daughters. Among them were well-known lawyers, financiers, school teachers and waitresses. They represented different religions, cultures and races. But no matter how different they were, each told how the relationship with her mother significantly affects the way she works, relaxes, loves, marries and raises her children. In these interviews, I heard over and over again that the mother-daughter relationship is the most important thing in a woman's life.

From our mothers we learn how to live. Therefore, enjoy learning if mom is with you every day, and not just on March 8th. I wish I could continue learning from my mom, but she died in 2006 at the age of 86.

Here are some tips from the wise daughters in the book« I Am My Mother's Daughteron how to make these relationships right:

1. By the time you're 40, 50, or 60, your mom won't be the same as she was when she was 15..

Be open to creating a new relationship with this woman who, as you mature, can still be your best friend. In addition, this woman knows you better than anyone, and probably loves you more than anyone else in the whole world. Even if her love is not like love.

1. Deal with it and say: "I'm sorry!" Even if you don't feel a bit guilty.

You won't be able to say, "I'm sorry!" at her funeral. If your relationship is in chaos, then someday, when your mom goes to heaven, you will be left with a long list of “should have” for the rest of your life.

Don't let the fleeting days go to waste, but deal with your pain by leaving it behind. Let love take over in your voice and actions. And then, when your mother passes away, you will not be tormented by remorse and regrets. You will have a lot of sadness, but also a lot of sweet comfort, because you had a reconciliation.

1. Try to understand her story and it will soften your heart.

Mothers who act coldly and cannot freely say “I love you” often repeat exactly how their mother took care of them or did not take care of them. Our mothers try to play their role the best they can, given their own family dynamics and how they were raised.

Do you know your mother's story? Do not delay and find out who this woman is and how she became the person she is. Dig deep to discover her losses and hardships. Mothers who were not raised with warmth and support try their best to be good mothers to their children. Showing vulnerability and honesty to each other will open up the most hidden corners and allow adult daughters and their mothers to create the best relationship they have ever had.

1. If you cannot forgive, then you will have to work hard to move on.

It may be impossible for you to forgive unforgivable acts from the past. But try- let go of lingering judgment, repressed rage, and be with your elderly mom while she is by your side. Restrain caustic comments when she criticizes you or your children. Petty fights and agonizing anger keep you from loving your flawed, imperfect mom.- just like you are imperfect with your shortcomings.

You - her mother's daughter is even bigger than you imagine. This is manifested even in those qualities that become more pronounced when she is no longer around. Learn from her now! Love her now! You only have one chance to get things right.

There was a boy, and he had a mother. And one day she grabbed her heart and fell unconscious.

The boy was so confused that he could not even call an ambulance, but only silently looked at his mother.

Then my mother stirred, and it turned out that she had had an attack, but now it has passed.

How the boy rushed to his mother, how he sobbed loudly, how he clung to her and began to kiss her face and hands, and she stroked his head and quietly said:

Did you think that I left you?

How can I leave you? ..

And he kissed her palms with cracks from working in the garden, which a few minutes ago were unpleasant to him, and now they suddenly became the most beautiful in the whole world. And he kissed all the cracks, and could not kiss in any way.

And then the boy thought, sobbing and kissing:

That's what I understood. That mother should be loved every minute of her life as if she first died, and the son or daughter was very frightened, and then mother suddenly came to life ...

What are you whispering? Mom asked, caressing his curls with her lips.

And it turns out that he inadvertently thought his discovery quietly aloud ...